Trumpet Vines Against Gray Sky

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Wild Love

Is not impermanence the very fragrance of our days?

Flare up like flame
and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness

Give me your hand.

– Rainer Maria Rilke translated by Joanna Macy

I’m not a practicing anything, but each year I design a DIY version of Lent for myself. The season arrives on the calendar just as my lofty, good-intentioned New Year’s resolutions fade.

The new year promises a quick fix while Lent is the real deal – transformation through disciplined action. It’s a forty day contract.

Prayer, fasting, and service, the traditional pillars of Lent, provide a container to hold my wandering attention span. There’s a nurturing austerity inherent in the rituals that helps me filter the distractions of everyday life.

Where I live, this penitential season is marked by the pairing of the natural expansion of spring – tender neon green leaves, noticeably longer days – and the measured restraint of deliberate choice.

I feel that true freedom, not the mindless kind that comes with passivity or the jagged edge of defiance, can only develop with discipline. It’s about finding balance through confronting the interplay between sacrifice and renewal, effort and ease, life and death.

Too often I’m like a fish jumping at every bait that dangles above the water – work, teenage drama, the internet, even happiness. We all know the feeling of twisting and flailing on the line, hook-in-the-cheek caught.

Most religions have a prescribed season to examine what catches us. A time to anchor our most spiritual questions back to the body, while simultaneously providing the discipline to tame our habits so that we can concentrate on a higher purpose.

It requires an often uncomfortable, committed, day-to-day effort that seems too big to make during the sweltering heat of summer or the reprieve of a Texas fall and winter. It’s spring where the overlap of Life and Death is the most visible.

The acceptance of duality is at the heart of being fully human and ultimately gives us room to renew, forgive, love and eventually die.  As my friend Erika says, “We are not here to struggle, nor are we here to stay the same.”

We come spinning out of nothingness,
scattering stars like dust.  – Rumi

In memory of my father 12/15/1939 – 1/14/2017

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10 thoughts on “Trumpet Vines Against Gray Sky

  1. i’m not a practicing anything either and just choose to approach life with humble gratitude, compassion and kindness. this is a lovely tribute to your father –

    • It’s sounds so easy and straightforward, doesn’t it? And then there’s the flip side which has an equally strong pull. Modern culture has made duality so binary when it’s really all the same thing. Thanks

  2. Lovely!!! You’ve nailed the season with such flamboyant caution!!! xoxo k

    On Sun, Mar 5, 2017 at 8:59 AM, Days in the Fifties wrote:

    > Daysinthefifties posted: ” Wild Love Is not impermanence the very > fragrance of our days? Flare up like flame and make big shadows I can move > in. Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No > feeling is final. Don’t let yourself lose me. Nearby is the co” >

  3. So beautiful and touching in the middle of teenage drama and all the rest. Reminder to reset and the grounding it brings.

    • Oh the teenage drama! It catches me way too often. My kids’ behavior feels like a job review and it gets so wrapped up in shame and failure when they act out. I’ve been trying to view raising teens with a telephoto lens and not so close up. Sure, as parents, we have influence, but my teenagers are also evolving humans who are responsible for their actions. The rub is trying to hold that space for more than 20 minutes. 🙂 Hope to run into you at the grocery store soon.

  4. E, you must have been a Catholic in a former life. Thanks for nailing it for those of us who are also “practicing.” Hugs to you!

    • I grew up Episcopalian (Catholic-light) in a predominately Catholic small town in the northeast. More than anything I wanted to go to catechism with my friends and get in on the mysterious spiritual goodies that I imagined being doled out every Wednesday after school! Thanks for reading!

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